A Pinch of Solitude

Loneliness is the most dreaded fear of all people. I have always ascertained it during my conversations, as well as mentioned it in one of my previous articles. A sudden realization that the days ahead would be left to oneself might awake the hidden fears in you. I felt the same on Thursday when I heard that all the inmates in my flat (except me, of course!) were leaving for the weekend. Well, it was not going to be life time loneliness, and hence it should not be anything critical. But my paranoid behavior had something to do with a conversation that I had with a friend of mine, who is soon going to tie the knots.

Off late, I had developed an idea that marriages are just another social obligation. It comes with a whole bunch of responsibility as you are no longer a free body. There is a person whose life has been tied to you and any minute decision of yours would affect the whole relationship. And with kids involved in the picture, the dimensions would go exponential! It is not that I want to run off the responsibilities, but just the realization that I take an awful time managing myself, I would just fall short of a booming relationship. I have had been in relationships before (my closest friends keep count, I do not!) and one thing I noticed is that your life is never the same when you start sharing it some one else. I wished my friend all the best and made a casual comment that I have no intentions of getting married. He asked me to give it a second thought and reminded me of the loneliness that would come upon me in my later years.

Now coming back, I feared that the weekend is going to be dreadful. But lucky for me, it was not that bad. In fact I should say that I had a nice time some good experiences. Friday night was frantic, and I was busy calling any and all of my friends in Bangalore. It was surprising that none of them were in Bangalore, and for people who were in town, they had alternate plans. This was it. I had to take control.

First thing on the agenda was to fulfill the basic necessities. Now, shelter and clothing was the last concern (thank GOD!); food was the first. I went out, grabbed ‘real good chicken’, bread, milk and eggs which could get me through the entire weekend. I finished my cooking Friday night itself which left me nothing to do Saturday morning. I also had a small bottle of Bacardi and a couple of movies to keep me entertained. I decided to extent my search through the www (thanks to my friend Noufal, who incidentally had made arrangements for my transportation as well by gifting me his bike). I found an old friend of mine Arun (pakkaran) who is in Colombo on the net. The chat went on for an hour or so. It was time for lunch now, and with my deliciously prepared chicken and newly cooked rice, I had a nice time watching the movies. I composed my previous article on ‘five point someone’ that afternoon. The evening was spent at Alliance Francaise de Bangalore with a painting exhibition and theater festival. The play ‘Dancing on Glass’ was staged which showed the life of a Software Engineer and a girl who works in a Call Center. It was well crafted and the actors deserved appreciation. Moving forward to Sunday, I had my usual visit to church at 10. The Bangalore electricity department showed their blessing on my solitude as they decided to bunk the power supply for the entire day. So I was left with not much of options than to fiddle with the guitar (which incidentally again belongs to noufal.) Guru called to check on me, which was very considerate of him and we spoke for more than an hour and this was my first verbal conversation after Friday night! By five I went for a book exhibition at Institute of Engineers. I had an invitation from a friend of mine, Mohanettan, for dinner, which had to be postponed to Monday due to heavy rains. Oh yes, the rain was awesome and gave me a wonderful time near M.G. Road, where I was stuck for over an hour! I was waiting there under a tree when two “professional ladies” came near and offered a wonderful night. Was it the impulse or fear, the next second I found myself on the other side of the road in the Ullas Restaurant with a cup of coffee! With a wonderful dinner followed by movie sessions the weekend passed by peacefully.

My friends are back this morning and my days of solitude are over for the time being! One thing I realized is that being alone is not such a bad thing after all. It gives a lot of time to you. But the most important thing that I realized is that if one could be content and happy with oneself, as I was during the later hours in Saturday and Sunday, one could not be let down by other troubles in life. I cannot ascertain that I have overcome my fears, but I definitely know that I would be able to handle my ‘pinch of solitude’ successfully.